100 Things

Because Stacy put it in my head to do this last summer, and because I'm procrastinating doing any real writing right now:

100 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me:

1) I'm a bit of a health food nut. I eat lots of homemade yogurt, love edamame and natural fruit drinks.

2) I worked out three times a week, every week from 2006-2009. I know. I have nothing to show for it.

3) I am a HUGE Frank Sinatra fanboy. Not just his music, but his movies too.

4) I actually don't care for science fiction. I like fantasy, which is what attracts me to things like Star Wars, Firefly, and Battlestar Galactica - but it's the mystical elements I like. The setting is irrelevant.

5) I listened exclusively to Christian rock until I was almost 20 years old.

6) I once played drums and was the primary songwriter for a Southern rock band. Yes, like Lynyrd Skynyrd. Yes, I apologize.

7) If Christie hadn't thrown them away, I had several awesome pair of Hammer pants. Because it's ALWAYS Hammer time.

8) I was the only white guy in the 100+ member gospel choir at Memphis State University during my short time there. And it wasn't one of my classes.

9) I can't name a single song that's been played on the radio in the last five years. Nor do I want to.

10) I watched the first season of Desperate Housewives last year and I liked it.

11) I know the names of more Norwegian Death Metal bands than I do names of U.S. Presidents.

12) I love to try new pasta recipes.

13) I once said to a man, "I don't care if all the TV's are melting. Give me back my mop."

14) I once got 2 speeding tickets 15 minutes apart. Cue Sammy Hagar.

15) I once earned 7 speeding tickets, each in a different county in Arkansas, in 4 months time.

16) I have read every Stephanie Plum novel by Janet Evanovich up until number 13. They were good.

17) I read more children's books, specifically middle-grade fantasy, than anything else.

18) I think Ellen DeGeneres is still hilarious.

19) My favorite TV show is The Wire.

20) I had/have a crush on Amy Grant. Yes, the Baby, Baby Amy Grant. Christie knows, and ridicules me accordingly.

21) The only thing I've used a guitar for in the last year is to learn to play Blackbird by The Beatles because it was bugging me that I didn't know how.

22) Jimmy Buffet bores me to tears.

23) I'm good friends with Ben Moody who was the founder of Evanescence, and produces albums for Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, and Avril Lavigne. He also writes for Carrie Underwood and Celine Dion.

24) I'm not an Evanescence fan per se, nor have I talked to Ben about music since he produced some of my music back in 2002.

25) I read to Brennan and Rich almost every night before bed.

26) I have never played Halo or Call of Duty. I am a game snob.

27) I snore.

28) I used to make fun of bloggers, tree-huggers, and libertarians. Now I are one.

29) I would probably vote for Mike Huckabee

30) I would probably vote for Barak Obama.

31) I spent three years in Northern Italy in the early 80's when my dad was assigned to Aviano Air Force base.

32) I am a proud Air Force brat. The Air Force was awesome.

33) I was born in Las Vegas, Nevada.

34) I have never gambled.

35) I used to own a floor cleaning company.

36) I once led a friend into a Circle K on a dog leash at 3 am. No, I am not gay.

37) Before the RIAA came down on Napster, I downloaded music like I was going to be deaf in a week.

38) I will defend Kip Winger to the death. TO THE DEATH!

39) I think Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson's voices are just about the most beautiful sounds on this planet except my kid's laughter.

40) I buy cars based on the CD/.mp3 player.

41) I hate shopping for cars because I just don't care. It's like buying a wrench or a toothbrush to me. As long as it gets me from point A to point B and plays my Jellyfish CD's while I'm in transit, it could be the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile.

42) My dad has more integrity than any other person I know.

43) I strongly suspect ballet is just a matter of being able to stand on your toes and wave your arms around for a long time. At least that's what I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........................

44) I once talked a drunk guy out of shooting his teenage son, while I was in the room.

45) I've been kicked out of four pastor's offices and three churches. Proudly.

46) I've slept in a van so many times I lost count.

47) I can completely replace a florescent light ballast in under 2 minutes flat.

48) I'm not exactly sure how wall anchors work.

49) I have the lyrics to the first four Public Enemy albums memorized. WANNA TEST ME, FOOL?

50) Most of my best friends are married women.

51) My mom could have been a professional bowler.

52) I taught myself to read Greek.

53) I couldn't find the carburetor if you held a gun to my head.

54) I've had restless leg syndrome almost every night since June of 1998.

55) Porcelain dolls and clowns freak me out. They freak me out bad.

56) My guilty pleasure is Captain D's. The greasier, the better.

57) I built my last computer.

58) When the new Van Halen album comes out, I will be unavailable that day.

59) I'm more scared of the foley catheter than the heart transplant. Seriously.

60) I have written three complete novels, and have two more in the works. I send queries to agents and publishers several times a month, but the likelihood of selling a book in this economy is about the same as Milli Vanilli making a comeback. Unfortunately, neither is a remote possibility.

61) Walking up stairs or inclines makes my eyeballs feel like they're going to pop out of my head.

62) My wife accomplishes things not possible for ordinary humans.

63) I like reading instruction manuals for games I have no intention of playing.

64) I read liner notes to CD's I have no intention of listening to.

65) I'm an absolute skeptic, but love stories about paranormal experiences.

66) I waited in line over night for tickets to Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace.

67) I have never felt so betrayed by another human being as I do by George Lucas.

68) I took a watercolor class with women in their 60's. I sucked.

69) I don't get Elvis.

70) Most of my worldview is derived from The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy. You probably think I'm kidding.

71) I can read music, but I find it ridiculously tedious, and have to force myself to teach Rich and Brennan proper notation when doing piano lessons.

72) Despite struggling with math in school, I really enjoy algebra and intend to work all the way through the Calculus lessons on Kahn Academy.

73) I once got sent to the principals office for gratuitous jiggling of jello.

74) I worked in the cafeteria my first year of high school.

75) I've had a total of four (count 'em, 4) bosses who were fired for embezzlement.

76) Christie and I have been married 20 years in April. We have moved a total of 10 times, not counting our travelling moves.

77) I can pack a house like nobody's business.

78) I make a mean humus dip.

79) I played in a church band with Mike Huckabee for three months. He's a really good bass player, and not a bad drummer.

80) I've had to utter the phrase, "Don't hold the lighter that close to the gas tank. You'll set your bike on fire and blow up my truck." I also once set my truck on fire with a blowtorch. Different story.

81) In 1997 I almost killed myself because I was in a closed space with a leaky propane tank valve.

82) I became a drummer to get out of P.E. class in the 7th grade.

83) I once camped out at a music festival with the guys from P.O.D.

84) A deranged cop once threatened to kill me and my family if I didn't make his wife go back to him. FUN TIMES.

85) I love Motown.

86) I think the drug war is pointless. There are hundreds of other ways to get people off drugs that have nothing to do with laws, jails, or police.

87) There is no substitute for cheesecake

88) I quote Friends (the TV show) at least 5 times a day. Could I BE any more cliche?

89) I'm a cat person.

90) I'm a fiercely loyal friend if you are equally fierce.

91) I'm allergic to Courduroy and mayonnaise. One gives me a nose rash, the other makes me gag involuntarily. So no courd and mayo sandwiches please.

92) When I'm done, I'm done. Usually.

93) I think Michelle Bachman's (and some of the Tea Party's) nationalistic worldview is probably the most dangerous thing in the history of American politics.

94) Michael J. Fox will always have my attention.

95) As much as I love Tim Burton, I think the Batman thing was a bad, bad, bad idea.

96) I think Nirvana was simultaneously the most important, and yet the most terrible band of my generation.

97) Buffets give me the willies.

98) Iron Maiden. 'Nuff said.

99) Something about not knowing brings me great comfort.

100) If you read this far, you really need a hobby. One more thing you don't know...lemme see...I have an internal compass that always keeps track of which way I'm facing. If I don't know this at any given moment, I feel extremely disoriented and vulnerable. I have no idea why.